Day 32 - Sunday August 5, 2007

It was a very emotional day today. I had both boys out for a cuddle. It was the second time that I had the chance to hold Ciaran - I can't wait until the day that I can hold him whenever and for however much time that I want. I am sure that once I get the two of them home - I am never want going to want to put either of them down as there has been so much holding time lost while in the NICU. Ciaran and Shay both came out for two hours - they were both angels while they were out - slept the whole time. When they are out - I hold them in a 'kangaroo style' which is basically skin to skin contact. It is unbelievable how all of the little ones respond to this type of care! I will never again under estimate the power of human touch and hugs!

Cris and I also met with the Specialist from Sick Kids Hospital today. The day that we were hoping would not come - came. The Specialist shared with us that Ciaran will more than likely have to have a shunt put in, in the imminent future to relieve some of the pressure in his head. We were told that this was a possibility four weeks ago when Ciaran's lung collapsed - however, we hoped and prayed that the problem would rectify itself. At this point in time, it looks like intervention will be necessary. The Specialist is trying to buy some time - as the bigger and stronger that Ciaran is when it is time for surgery - the less the risk is for complications. At this point, it is all about timing - as the timing of intervention will be integral for future outcomes. This whole process has been extremely stressful and overwhelming for Cris and I - Father Dave provided a great deal of perspective when he reminded us of the importance of having faith - faith not being that we manipulate the situation to get our optimal outcome - but instead, faith being able to accept and be thankful for our situation and believing that whatever the outcome is what was intended for us.

All of the advice that we gotten from the wise people in our lives is to take one day at a time - this has been extremely difficult for me especially - as naturally, I have had every life scenario run through my head for the boys' future - personalities, schooling, careers, marriage...my goal for the upcoming week is to take one day at a time in an attempt to not be so overwhelmed - we will see how it goes!

Had a very emotional moment with one of the nurses tonight. The nurse I had the moment with is one that I initially judged as I did not find her overly friendly or 'warm'- four weeks later, she is for sure one of my favourite nurses as I know that she truly loves our boys. She broke into tears as I was leaving the hospital tonight telling me that even though she is not "social" - she wanted me to know how much she cared for and loved Ciaran and Shay. It was such a special moment - one that reminded me of the importance of not judging. This nurse is older and not an overly social being - more than likely, she is just very shy - however, that does not mean that she is not a phenomenal human being who is amazing at what she does, caring, loving and sincere. Again perspective...thank you for the reminder!

Anyhow, that is all for now. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. They are providing so much strength for us and the boys! We appreciate all of you more than you will ever know!

cris, liza, ciaran and shay

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